Confused and numb; I can’t believe…they’re gone

What a dreadful week.

My uncle passed away on Sunday night/early Monday morning. I still feel like I am in shock. He’s always been there, making sure to greet me with a ‘how ya goin Champ’. He loved fishing and relaxing and we always got along for our love of dogs. He used to hold my hand when I was a child so I could go out and pat his beloved Dobermans. They’d knock me flying with their big legs and wagging bottoms.

I wish I could’ve stood up at his funeral yesterday. Stood among his fishing rod and his favourite book, sharing my memories of Uncle Ray. The way I would laugh with him about his singing Trout that my Aunt hated and the way he shared his stories of America. He flew a Confederate Flag in his yard, above his boat. ‘Why do you have the Confederate Flag, Uncle Ray?’ I asked him once. He looked at me through his big glasses and replied, ‘Cause I’m a redneck.’ There was never anything wrong with being a redneck. It just meant he was happy about himself, a family man, appreciated the simple things in life and treated everyone like they were family.

Goodbye Uncle Ray. You’ll always be in my heart.

After my uncle’s funeral, I came home to the news of some passengers’ names of Malaysian Flight MH17. There were 28 Australians on-board that flight, and unfortunately, I knew one of them.

I’m feeling very confused and a bit numb. I’m going to go connect with the ocean right now because that’s all that makes sense to me in all this death.

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6 thoughts on “Confused and numb; I can’t believe…they’re gone

  1. ugh, I’m so sorry. It’s all a bit shit right now, isn’t it? I’m finding I need to disengage from it all for a little while. Enjoy the Ocean.

    • Thanks πŸ™‚
      Is it weird that I hate HATE? Why can’t there just be world peace? It’s only land. Why bother with borders? We’re all the same. I feel so bad for all the victims and their families and friends. The man I knew was one of the first people to encourage my writing – all the way back when I was first discovering I could write. We met later when I studied writing professionally. He always had a kind word and he loved reading my coastal-set stories.
      It just all seems so wrong for the world to be in such turmoil all the time. The ocean will definitely make me feel better. πŸ™‚

  2. Sorry to hear of the loss of your uncle. Death is harsh. Having lost my parents I can understand your feelings… And the airline tragedy is simply awful. As people, we are rarely satisfied with what have. We continually hope and fight and struggle to find fulfillment in this life. Famous author C.S. Lewis once stated that β€œIf we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” That’s what the ocean does for me and perhaps you… It gives us a taste of the goodness that we were created to enjoy. Peace to you and your family…

    • Your comments always fill me with new hope and invigorated zest for trying. CS Lewis was a brilliant wordsmith. I always find myself reading his words and wondering how one author could be so inspiring and insightful. The ocean is indeed our world. ❀

      • Today is a new day… Rejoice and be Glad in it! It is possible to rejoice and be thankful even in the midst of troubles because it is a choice of the heart and not the circumstances that determine how we will live this day…

  3. I am so very sorry to hear of your news and having lost my father a couple of months ago, and another family member in December, I have also felt very weighed down and surrounded by death. The sea is of great comfort to me and the one place where I feel connected and can seek solace. Things will get easier…give yourself time. My condolences to you and your family at this sad time.

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