Reflection

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I am quite nervous to post this, in all honesty, I still don’t feel 100% confident in a bikini (especially broadcasted online) but I thought I’d share this to offer some hope to anybody feeling as though they’re stalled or “stuck” at a weight they are not happy with.

The picture on the right is an accomplishment. I know this. But so is the picture on the left, because you know what: I was grappling with the same emotional problems as I am on the right. I don’t feel confident. I don’t feel beautiful. A “bikini body” hasn’t made my happiness level grow whatsoever. All it’s given me is a freedom to show my body without fear of bullying, and that isn’t my problem or my body’s. It’s society’s; and it turns out that even super hot models are told to lose weight to look good in a bikini.

I hate my weight in the picture on the right just as much as I hated my weight in the picture on the left. It’s addictive to see that number go down and to see measurements reduce, but you know what I’ve found? I look in the mirror and I still see the girl on the left. My social life is no better. My grades are no better. Losing weight hasn’t made my life wonderful, like weight loss campaigns tell you. I don’t have more energy, in fact, I have less. I am more tired and colder than I was at my highest weight, but hey, I can wear a bikini.

I used to want to look like Alana Blanchard (who wouldn’t), and then she admitted she had body issues (my world fell apart for a day). Just today, I noticed some creep had told her she was looking chunky and she needed to lose weight on her Instagram account. Why is it okay for guys to tell a model she needs to lose weight? What a jerk. I’ve never been called fat, and I was fat. Here is a fine example of a fit and healthy athlete being told such rubbish. I’m sorry Alana Blanchard that you have to suffer such treatment. I’m sorry anyone that has to suffer such treatment.

Some wise friends of mine told me to throw away the scale and be happy with my body because it is healthy. They’re absolutely right. I don’t post this as a “look at me; I lost weight; my life has changed” post. No. I post it to remind people that our health and fitness are more important than our looks, and to remember that pictures are deceiving. I had an eating disorder on the left. I have an eating disorder on the right. But don’t I look so happy?

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7 thoughts on “Reflection

  1. Really inspiring to read and a very brave thing to do. Its amazing how people think that if they lose alot of weight that everything will be different and they will feel different. I think if you get alot fitter and healthier thats when you start to feel different. Especially when it comes to surfing. Im 28 and my biggest regret is not taking care of myself as I do now, when I was alot younger. Your friends have the right advice, if you feel good then thats a good indication that your body is happy and therefore you will be too.

  2. An ex of mine had a father was an alcoholic. I thought if the guy just stopped drinking everything would be great. He did! And it was not. He transformed from a drunk man who was miserable into a miserable man who was sober.

    I still maintain that you made a huge step in the right direction by taking up surfing and changing your lifestyle. Weight (as a number) has nothing to do with being healthy though. I see lots of people who work out frequently but do unhealthy things like cut out meals to become thinner but this does not correlate to being healthy or physically fit.

    You are doing great though!

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