It feels as though time is going much too quickly and I’m missing it because I literally cannot find the energy or motivation to participate in it. This sense of lost control has triggered my ED and made me feel worse about myself and my situation than I should.
I’m thinking about not going to the psychologist appointments anymore because my last appointment was what really pushed me down the stairs. Isn’t it good that I lost weight? The people put in place to help us don’t bother to delve deeper but only look at our body condition. Yep. That’s going to help and not make the condition worse.
Going through this has really opened my eyes up to the stereotypes of eating disorders and the ignorance of the general public (although it’s mostly mis-education for those folks) and even the medical profession. My behaviour, and I quote, isn’t a major concern, because I am not fat. Apparently you only need help for BED when you’re at risk of diabetes and heart attack. I feel as though I can’t get the help I need because I flipped my behaviour on its head and lost weight instead of gaining.
And let me clarify this because people get confused:
- Eating an entire packet of chips and feeling guilty is NOT binge-eating disorder.
- “Pigging out” occasionally is NOT binge-eating disorder.
Binge-eating disorder is:
- Inability to stop eating
- Compulsively eating as much food as possible, as fast as possible
- Using food to numb pain severity and acuity
- Intense guilt. Not “Oh damn I feel so bad…”; this intense guilt is often followed with self-harm, laxatives, trying to purge, intense work-outs and long periods of fasting or restricting; which then causes:
- A fear of food because eating will cause a binge.
- Sufferers are not always obese or even overweight.
Overweight person does not automatically mean BED. Just as a thin person that suffers from BED does not automatically have bulimia. The weight categorisation of MENTAL DISORDERS is such a clinical error in this society that doctors tell you about…yet they themselves do it.
This needs to change.