Back in the trenches

It feels as though time is going much too quickly and I’m missing it because I literally cannot find the energy or motivation to participate in it. This sense of lost control has triggered my ED and made me feel worse about myself and my situation than I should.

I’m thinking about not going to the psychologist appointments anymore because my last appointment was what really pushed me down the stairs. Isn’t it good that I lost weight? The people put in place to help us don’t bother to delve deeper but only look at our body condition. Yep. That’s going to help and not make the condition worse.

Going through this has really opened my eyes up to the stereotypes of eating disorders and the ignorance of  the general public (although it’s mostly mis-education for those folks) and even the medical profession. My behaviour, and I quote, isn’t a major concern, because I am not fat. Apparently you only need help for BED when you’re at risk of diabetes and heart attack. I feel as though I can’t get the help I need because I flipped my behaviour on its head and lost weight instead of gaining.

And let me clarify this because people get confused:

  • Eating an entire packet of chips and feeling guilty is NOT binge-eating disorder.
  • “Pigging out” occasionally is NOT binge-eating disorder.

Binge-eating disorder is:

  • Inability to stop eating
  • Compulsively eating as much food as possible, as fast as possible
  • Using food to numb pain severity and acuity
  • Intense guilt. Not “Oh damn I feel so bad…”; this intense guilt is often followed with self-harm, laxatives, trying to purge, intense work-outs and long periods of fasting or restricting; which then causes:
  • A fear of food because eating will cause a binge.
  • Sufferers are not always obese or even overweight.


Overweight person does not automatically mean BED. Just as a thin person that suffers from BED does not automatically have bulimia. The weight categorisation of MENTAL DISORDERS is such a clinical error in this society that doctors tell you about…yet they themselves do it.

This needs to change.


3 thoughts on “Back in the trenches

  1. You express good thoughts here. What I appreciate most about your post is your willingness to attack the issue… To self examine your situation and define things… To begin to see where true help comes from and where its just lip service. You will be successful in your efforts to stay on top of this struggle. You will because you want to. And because you are more than a person with a label. You are that surfer girl who wants to experience life at its best… and you will do whatever it takes to stay balanced on that board we call “life”… Thanks for sharing….

    • Thank you 🙂
      I was in a panic this morning because my boss (my dad haha) called me and said not to bother coming to work (aiding my financial stress) and my partner obviously works so I didn’t want to be home alone while stressed and depressed because it usually leads to a binge. I try to stay busy with homework and my blog to keep my mind off it. Today no binge! So I’m feeling really proud of myself. I’d really like to get past this problem. It seems so hard sometimes because people do look at me and congratulate me for the weight loss or just look at me and pass me off as healthy. I think that there are anorectics that have the same problem. Nobody cares if a fat person stops eating. It’s alarming that our society will only offer help to the obese and underweight for issues that are 100% in the brain. I read some of Carissa Moore’s blog today too. She’s incredible. An amazing mentor for girls struggling with body issues such as myself.

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